It’s Hard to Stay Happy

I’m doing good. I’m doing fantastic, actually. I would be willing to say I have been feeling the best I have ever felt these last few weeks. I finally got a new medicine regimen that seems to be working wonders for me. I’m writing more passionately, I’ve just launched a new podcast and taken on speaking engagements. I’m coaching youth sports again and fulfilling my passion for helping kids because I don’t have any of my own.

I’ve been growing as a person and developing into a better version of myself. I learned, with the help of my wife, that you have to find the positives in the negatives. For example, I bought a new car a few weeks ago. I felt great. About five days later, the check engine light comes on. Normally, I would have spiraled and regretted the decision of ever getting a new car. I would have gone through a million scenarios that could have been causing it. This time, though, I thought “At least it happened now rather than after the warranty expires.”

I’ve even been going and doing more. I have spent more time with my friends and family, wanting to get out of the house. I’ve learned that I had missed hanging out with people, partly a toll from the COVID lockdowns, I suppose. I sheltered myself and forgot what real, genuine human interaction was like. Now, I crave it and want to be around people.

All is well, right? Well, not exactly. There’s this lingering thought in the back of my head that tells me, “When is it going to happen again? When will you fall again?” That nagging voice in the back of my head haunts me every day and every night.

I forget about it when I’m doing the things I love and the things I enjoy. I stay so happy now. I’m motivated to do the things I love and spend time with the people who are always by my side. But when I finally get laid down for the night and try to go to sleep, it sneaks back up on me.

It attacks me when my mind is most vulnerable. “It’ll happen again. It’s coming soon. You’re going to fall back in the darkness. Will you make it out this time?” I lay there staring into the darkness of my bedroom or hiding behind the shield of my eyelids.

It’s always there. Sometimes it’s just easier to forget that it’s there. Other times it is louder. I won’t lose, though. Even if I fall back into the darkness, I’ll come back out into the light like I always do.

Stay strong.

We’ve got this.

Published by Tyler Wittkofsky

Tyler Wittkofsky is a multi-genre author, blogger, award-winning marketing and communications professional, and fierce mental health advocate from the southern coast of North Carolina. Tyler has been writing short stories for as long as he can remember. Growing up the grandson of an English teacher, Tyler had a constant fuel to his creative fire in his grandmother. He started writing poetry in 2012 to cope with his mental health struggles with anxiety, bipolar, and depression. Using poetry as an escape, he developed a unique style of poetry that has left readers saying, “Tyler’s voice is compassionate, even while suffering, and I felt the despair and loneliness seeping out through his words.” His first poetry collection, composed of poems written from 2012 to 2016, was published in March 2020. He began his first novel in 2019. The novel, (Not) Alone, was a story based on true events surrounding the struggles of living with mental illness. Described by readers as “An Intimate Closure with Mental Illness,” this began Tyler’s revitalized passion for mental health. He decided that his writing would have a focus on mental health. His next novel, The Seeds of Love: Sunflower Kisses Book One, was his debut romance novel and debut series. Described as “a great job of relaying the realistic emotions of young love and emotional drama that is particularly difficult for young adults…”, his debut romance novel was met with much success. In 2021, Tyler began writing short stories. He was accepted into several anthologies in mid-2021, expected for publication in early 2022. He also writes supernatural horror and historical fantasy for the online magazines In the Pantheon and In the Crescent. He has work published through Five Minute Affairs as well. He built his website www.TeaButWithCoffee.com in 2021. On this site, he started his blogging journey. He began writing book reviews, interviewing indie authors, and writing on mental health. This passion sparked a new desire to connect with more people. Tyler is currently in the beginning stages of two podcasts that he hopes to be live by the end of 2021. Tyler currently lives in Leland, North Carolina with his wife, Grace, and dogs, Dutch and Belle. You can find him and his works here: https://linktr.ee/wittkofsky

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